072214.

It was the first time I actually heard your voice in-real-time. Not the sound of old voicemails in my archive on my phone, nor the voices in my head that play like a broken record on repeat. My body had froze as if I’d seen a ghost when I saw your number across my screen calling. You don’t know how bad I have it. My anxiety is through the roof whenever you come to mind rushing in like a body of water; you are a force of nature. We haven’t spoken in what feels like forever. You took me by surprise when you called. To think that I had crossed your mind like an intersection. We didn’t fight this time. I think it’s because we had enough time to ourselves to finally get over that phase. Also, we never really had closure. I never saw you after things ended, and it definitely wasn’t pretty. Far from it to say the least. I was caught off guard while on the phone with you, and I didn’t know what to say. It was like reading a book with all the pages ripped out and words missing. My mind was blank, but all I could think about was you.

Thank you, for checking up on me. So badly did I want to text you, call you, and somehow see you; if that was possible, kind of like the old times. But I knew I couldn’t have what I wanted. I told you that sometimes I have to block your number and I’ve blocked you on social networks to refrain myself from bothering you. From disturbing you from what you wanted, which was space. You told me you moved on and that’s when I completely lost it. I tried so hard to get you out of my head and to not care. I tried immensely to move forward and pick myself back up again, but nothing I did worked. I just wanted you to be happy no matter where I stood in your life. I’d sacrifice whatever was necessary just know you were okay. And with all the progress I made trying so hard not to contact you and leave you in peace without me bothering you as always. So badly did I want to go back in time to the way things were. Everyday I’m reminded of you in someway and I can’t help it. You’re there in every corner of my mind. I’m probably sure it’s not like that for you, but I’m glad I came across your mind for even a second. Because sometimes a second can feel like forever. And sometimes you have to cherish what you can while it lasts. And I could have sworn I saw the rest of my life with you. Thanks for giving me hope yesterday. Its something I can hang onto when I just want to let go.

P.S. - Still missing you, as always.

Be with someone who would drive five hours, just to see you for one.
Latelycravingmore (via latelycravingmore)
#%^*!

#%^*!

You won’t understand what it feels like until it happens to you.

0-100 real quick in the AMG with that BiTurbo. Feels like you’re gonna snap your neck when you hit the gas.

Holding your hand
was like fireworks
and I did not
want to let go.
I did not care
or focus
about being burned
because you were
such a sight
to see.
Even to see you leave
you still lit up
my night sky
like the 4th of July
or like a Christmas tree
you were my favorite gift.
But all fireworks
end up in smoke
And I wish we lasted longer.
I wish I had another reason
to look up
at the night sky.
But all the stars tell me
that you were the brightest
thing in my life.
And now that light
is gone..

I held you,
for the longest time..
[in my dreams]
as if we both
lost something
that belonged to us
and that’s the closest we’ve ever been since we parted.
I do not want to wake up
Not at all, not one bit
because for the first time
in my life
my dreams were better
than reality.

And it was the only place,
I could reach you..

For as long as I can remember I’ve been making wishes on 11:11 every night. I hold my breathe every time I drive under a tunnel and make a wish too. I pray and hope that things would go my way just for once, even if the chances and odds are stacked against me. Even if it was one and a million because sometimes we never get a second chance. I don’t believe in waiting for the “right moment” because there is none. We put these situations in our head trying to calculate the outcome about what’s more ‘convenient’ or best for our situation (and usually the situations are always changing). I always tell myself it’s better to regret than to wonder. To know the fact that I’ve tried instead of just letting life pass me by. Even so, I still make those wishes and I still pray. Things won’t always work out of course, but I try to never lose hope. I try to hold on to my faith and still believe things can work out. Because even after all the effort nothing really dies unless you stop believing and lose faith. It’s what keeps us going. I know it’s silly for a person my age to still make wishes at a certain time and hold their breathe under tunnels. But at the end of the day I’ll never be the one to give up on you.

Seems like, street lights glowin
Happen to be like moments, passin in front of me…

Seems like, street lights glowin
Happen to be like moments, passin in front of me…