Realized how much I needa work out again while trying on jeans at Macys. I don’t wanna fall off. Again.
The only thing that’s been helping me with all this stress is skating. It’s like I’m in a different world, and I don’t have to think about anything else.
I haven’t had my own personal computer in over a year. I hate writing on my phone because it’s not the same. Everything’s so condensed and I’m not as free to write or type as fast as I think. Lately I just feel like all my mobile posts are junk. There’s a journal I write in as well, but it’s just not the same either.
My sister’s bf, technically they aren’t really together atm. But I consider him family, a brother to me. He’s a really intelligent and bright guy who has lots of character. He’s chill and funny as well. We have common interests and hang out a lot. I wish my sister and him were back together and things were normal again. It’s funny because I was never close to any of my siblings. Although when I met him I started to hang out with my sister more and get to know her better. I know he’s a good guy and great for her, but things aren’t always picture perfect. I can talk to him about anything. There’s lots of depth to our conversations.
Just have too much fucking anxiety rn. I’m never steady or stable anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t be around anyone at all. Feel like disconnecting myself more from everyone. I’m losing it so bad right now. Fuck. I’ll probably end up moving out of the country again soon just on a whim. Because I feel the need to. I can’t keep this up. I don’t want to be around anyone anymore.