can i ask why you got kicked outta your dads house
Long story short.. I’m tired af so apologize my not so thorough response. Although these past 2-3 years I’ve been living in Hawaii (Oahu). I’ve moved there for different reasons each time. Moving back to Hawaii and SoCal. Last summer I got into it real bad with my dad. He changed the locks on the doors etc so I couldn’t get in or anything. My spontaneous self bought a plane ticket to Hawaii the next day and just left.. Just left. No goodbyes or any of that crap. I moved back to SoCal last December. This January I went back to Hawaii again. I travel and move a lot.. For most of my life I’ve lived with my mom and my teenage years I lived with my dad. But no matter who I was living with I was raised by myself. Rents splint up when I was a kid. Mom worked 2/3 jobs and I never saw her. My dad and I, along w most dl my family, were never on good terms. He worked his ass off. He was in the navy for over 14+ years. There’s just so much… And I know this is just the tip of the ice berg. Although I love them both. They’re hard workers and it influenced me as well. Everything in my room(s) I’ve bought myself with my own hard earn money. Pay for my well being and lend money to my mom, close friends etc. I just want to give back when I can ya know? I want to own what’s mine by my own hard efforts. Life doesn’t give you much handouts. We have to work for it. And idk. I could tell you more, but what’s the fun in that?
I might write a few posts on my fam though. Lately I’ve just been jotting down my negative thoughts about “her.”
I’m planning on heading to New York and other parts of the East Coast maybe this summer. My mom also has a summer vacation house newly built in the Philippines (Tagaytay). So that should be fun af. I’m planning to go back to the Philippines in the summer with my best friend and maybe a few other pals. My dad also owns 5 acres of land in Colorado! So I really wanna check out the land sometime over the new few years. I wanna build a vacation house there of some sort.
Clear your mind here
Sigh.. It still is only
You :/ and always will be. Even if I wasn’t the one for you…
Do not mock a pain that you haven’t endured.
Saturday night. Why stay home (x
Like seriously what the fuck did you do for me? Never had to drive to me. You never worked a day in your life. You don’t know what it’s like traveling over a 100 miles to see you every single damn time. And they all add up. All you had to do was wait for me. I did all the hard stuff. I had to go the extra mile every time and I hated it when you complained because you had it easy compared to me. The more I think of it the more I hate you. And I’m fine with that. I know deserve better.
The only reason why people don’t stay together is because one of them stops trying. It’s such bullshit. Every word out of your mouth. What a waste.
Sometimes you have to stop yourself from getting hurt over the same reasons. Or else you’re just setting yourself up for failure. But it’s just not that easy to let go of something that once made you feel so happy; in more ways than one. More importantly, someone that made you feel like everything was going to be okay, that you were okay as well, even when you didn’t feel like it. Because even your flaws and imperfections didn’t matter. The only thing that did matter was that we both wanted to be happy. And I guess that means even if we’re not in the same picture anymore. But even pictures don’t change, and I still wanted things to work out when you didn’t. I just wish it was easier and you still gave me that reassurance like how you did from the beginning :/
What do you think love is?
I don’t know anymore. I gave this girl everything. I made the impossible, possible. I went the extra mile for her and more. I moved back from Hawaii in hopes of my life being better. I would drive 4 hours in total to see her, $60-$70 on a full tank. I would work 6 or 7 days a week and drive to her the same night even though I had work the next day. I drove to her a few weeks back bc of the earthquake and she was scared so I told her I’d come over just to make her feel safe. I surprised her at school with a rose, but she ended up leaving it in her closest bc she didn’t want her mom to know. I’ve been living and hiding in the dark bc of her. I do All the Hard things and make so much of what we had and shared possible. I Always drove to her every single time we hung out. I would be the one breaking my back and working my ass off at my slave ass job to make ends meet. To keep me and her happy by just giving her the simple things every guy should give. I was always honest with her and made time for her. She had the pw to my Facebook and Instagram and I would let her go on my phone. I didn’t care about any of that. I would always tell her it was only her. I drove to LA on a few occasions to eat KBBQ, to go Ice Skating, and see her late at night and so much more..I would leave my house 4am or 5am to beat the traffic. I would see her at night after I got off work and only to see her for a few hours. I told myself she was worth it all and more. I bought her free runs recently bc she really wanted them and I’ve just did Every single thing you can think of. I’ve invested my time, energy, and money.
But in the end she’s “unsure” of me still and doesn’t know if she should be in a relationship. I thought love was being able to know that there’s more to gain than what you have to lose. Accepting someone for who they are and what they can be. Understanding that nobody is perfect. I never had to hide her. My friends and my family knew. But it was different for her. I lived in the shadows. She can’t even tell her who got her that rose bc it was dying in that closet. Yet she’s the one who told me no guy has ever done that for her. So this is the type of treatment I get? For actually being one of those good guys out there who doesn’t cheat and doesn’t lie? Unlike all these motherfuckers that go on and on talking to other girls. I gave her my All & more. Yet I guess that’s not enough for her. Maybe one day she’ll understand. Bc love was staring her in the face and she was too blind to realize it. She walked away from a guy who would never give up on her.
A great man is one who leaves others at a loss after he is gone…
I just need reassurance and consistency.. Is that too much to ask for? Am I asking the wrong person and investing in someone who can’t give me what I deserve. I need to move past this and not settle for less. I do way too much and go beyond the extra mile to make All of these things possible for us. All for you to tell me you’re unsure. There’s no greater sadness in putting in your time and energy and money for somebody who can’t even reassure you that it’s worthy it. To hear I don’t know after everything I’ve done. Why am I never good enough.
#Yesterday. Turnt down for vvhat.