do you ever feel lonely, even though you're surrounded by so many people? do you ever yearn for someone to understand you, more than just shared interests and ideals?
All the time… Although as for right now, I’m not yearning for another to indulge in all these great things. I have already met a fair share of people in my life so far (many more to come of course). Although I’m content with who I have and who I’m surrounded by. There’s always a time where we want the company of another; to share and create.
I still feel lonely on many nights although it’s something I can live with for now. I just want to focus on my priorities and let everything settle in after I’m stable.
Cant wait for my MJ windbreaker to come in!
Reverse print on the back is too dope.
I don’t know if I want to leave due to these impulses of mine. I have my moments where I just want to get up and go, sometimes without having a reason. There are other times where I just cant bear my surroundings and the people in it. It’s even harder when all you see and feel is grey. Where nothing is just one way or another, but it’s a mixture of both. It leaves me confused and stressed, and after a while it becomes exhausting. I’m tired of living the same old routine. There are days when I’m happy, but not satisfied. These needs and wants tend to change over time. I just want some consistency in my life. Although that can mean consistently on the move or consistently staying the same. You ask yourself why some people are, the way they are. Like why are they so cold-hearted or always filled with anger? Why do they care so damn much? There’s always a reason behind it and we may never know. Sometimes there doesn’t have to be a reason because it’s just in our nature to act a certain way. They say 10% of Life is what happens to us, and 90% of Life is how we respond to it. It may be true for some, but nothing ever stays the same. That’s why I feel the need to leave once again and venture off on my own. Even if I act upon these impulses, sooner or later the feelings will come back. The need to want to be home or in a familiar environment. The need to be with friends and family. And one of the most deadly of them all, is to be consoled by another in which you care dearly about.
My fingers ran down the side of your face…at a gentle pace. I took my time for it was no race and I had my hips against your waist. For I did not waste no time as I looked in those almond eyes and studied those facial lines. I was drunk off those lips as if they were made of wine, and I did not bother to call you mine. I did not believe you were an object of possession. To appreciate what you have is a lesson; to be learned. And I yearn…for your touch as if I could never get enough. So there you were, laying in bed under the sheets next to me. I would hold your body while you would squeeze, and our bodies would be at ease. It’s just the simple things in life like laying next to each other on a Sunday morning or Friday night. With the lights out and our bodies tucked in. We could go for a swim, under the covers through the pillows. Oh how I loved your hair swaying in the wind like a willow. I just never want you to leave…these sheets…because I never know when…the next time we will meet.
By Your Side (Neptunes Remix) | Sade
Everything we say and everything we do has a lasting effect. Whether it takes place instantly, the day after, or even months later. As if the words spewing out of our mouths cast a rippling effect into the future; not knowing what will happen next. And our actions come to haunt us when we least expect it. Because there will be a day where someone will bring up the past, for obvious reasons or not. But we will be caught off guard and memory lane will take its crash course into the present. Making us think twice. Asking ourselves numerous questions but mainly why? And I hate moments like these because it puts me on the spot depending on the circumstance. Sometimes I don’t even know how to react to these situations which leave me speechless and stumbling. Although it cannot be helped. That one day our past will catch up to us. Only doing wrong now will only lead us to failure in the future. But not everything is always spot on clear from right or wrong. Whatever it is I do, and whatever it is that I have done. It is only fair to admit to my doings and own up to my actions.
Going to start updating/writing more. I’ve been neglecting my urges for some time and it’s past due to let it all out again. I’m also going to make a new playlist since my last one was deleted. Might feature a new set of songs and genres since my last playlist was mainly underground/hiphop/rap etc. Stay tuned.
Homemade chocolate dipped strawberries with a bottle of Moscato & a movie to end the night.