They say the best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone. But even then we are still prone to all the distress and dissatisfaction without one’s expectations. Because anyone can disappoint us without even expecting it. Just like how you thought they would never walk out of your life. But they still did, didn’t they?
For there are many unknown reasons and many more theories for why things are, the way they are. I have not questioned why, but have only wondered how. And for a number of millenniums to a million moments, I have not figured out why (I’m still around). Just like the furnace of our solar system, your kisses had came straight from the oven. Blazing and brimming with elements that are responsible for life.
I have been entwined in your orbit and I can only watch from afar. I just want to dive into the empty space of matter and climb your ribs like a latter; just so I can see things from an alternate perspective. And if I were to be lost in space, I would not mind. Because there is a beauty for the unknown. How you always work your wonders with that smile of yours. It’s as if all the pain has turned to star dust and opened new doors to paths that I didn’t know existed.
Every night I gaze upon the night sky and I just start to let my mind wander. If I were placed in another galaxy, would you love me the same? Or would I just be another body of matter—out of your reach and poorly visible to the rest of the world. Just a combination of elements. Possibly a star, just waiting to die out; shining bright enough to only hope that you notice me. Your eyes gleam like a solar eclipse, leaving me dead still as I take a glimpse. I do not bother to look at the sun ever since; since I have you.
And it occurs to me that we are all in motion. So I pray to the stars that you are not moving further away from me. We are already light years away and my calendar does not run long enough to see when that day comes. I also wonder if the Milky Way came in different flavors because I remember those lips that I would always savor. Your tears were shooting stars and I would always make a wish. Wishing that you would notice my efforts. Because every star doesn’t shine the same and every planet doesn’t have a name.
So I ask myself why bother to go through all the trouble? Especially when you cannot connect the dots or align the stars in the constellation. Is it because I am not in the picture? Or are you too focused on other galaxies and I am not in your universe. I do not know which is worse. I do the things I do for many reasons unknown. But I do know one thing that will always stay true.
Your beauty was always endlessly expanding like the universe itself. There are many phenomenons we will fail to understand. You just have to appreciate what’s around you no matter who’s looking; because even the most beautiful stars go unnoticed.
I don’t necessarily need someone to make me happy, but someone who will just put in effort and keep on trying; even when our relationship is on the line.
I cant help it I wanna touch
your body too fine girl I wanna fuck
and if that’s too honest I’ll change it up
and if I make you mad Ima make it up
There’s an anchor that holds me down. You wont always find me at every event or function. I have my days just like everyone else. I guess you could say I get along well with others despite how close we are, but there’s more to it. It may seem as if I’m naturally social, but sometimes I just don’t want others around me. On certain random days I just like to be all by myself and not say a word to anyone. I don’t know why but it happens. It’s nice every once in a while to just do your own thing. My mood changes and others are not always aware of it. I don’t need and don’t want someone to always know how I’m feeling. I more of a person who is reserved. I’ll go out of my shell to do things, but at my own pace or when I feel ready. You just have to give me some time. I don’t want to be rushed or feel the need to do so. I like to be calm and have myself collected. I like to play it cool and go with the flow. I tend to act upon my instincts of course, and there’s just so much more that nobody will ever know or understand about me; I don’t expect anyone to of course. It’s just that I’m like this way for a number of reasons. My friends know I’m a bit different and I’m not out as much. And when I do venture, I like being in small groups. Someone that can appreciate the finer things in life and the same interests as me. But I feel as if there’s not always going to be common ground with everyone I meet or know. I’m slowly drifting away from those who I was once close with and becoming a bit isolated. I just want to do my own thing without having to be questioned all the time. There doesn’t always have to be a reason for the things I do. I like being spontaneous and blurting out nonsense for the spur of the moment. I just want to live a little, but in my own way. I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. Just let me be.