Me and some random kid lmao.
The Weeknd - Often
She’s out there giving her attention to someone else. Which once used to be reserved for you and only you. Because she had no intentions or interests of investing herself in anyone else. Her words, her promises, her laughter, and her smile would be enough to reassure you; even after all those long awful fights and arguments. Just the thought of her would always give you something to look forward to. Her presence was something out of this world. But she was so down to Earth. You could never really get enough of her. There was always a part of me that just wanted more. One more hug, one more kiss, one more minute on the phone (which lead to 30), one more hour to hang out and so much more. And to be completely honest, she gave me more than enough. She filled the empty spaces in my life and also gave it color. Life was more complete in a number of ways.
But before you know it,
somewhere along the lines there’s a part of your relationship which starts to raise questions; for the both of you. Is this really worth it? Are they even the one or is this really the right time for all of this? Even worse, they’ll ask themselves if they deserve better and if they should move on. The matter of fact is that we add up all the situations we’ve been in. We start to do the math, the weighing out, and narrowing things down. It is true that in some certain situations our significant other deserved to be treated better. And this will lead to cynical thinking, a downward spiral that causes spontaneous on-the-spot decisions. Which is scary. Because we’re mainly just going with our gut feeling at the moment. Sometimes they forget how well you can treat them, especially in the long run. Just because you do something bad doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. We all fuck up and it’s our duty to make things better or worse. Although working things out is like a triangle. When one side falls so does everything else. Just because someone is willing to help doesn’t mean the other will so easily agree or accept. And this is why it is so hard even when you’re the one who’s trying to make the effort to make things right. Sometimes your partner is too blind or ignoring the signs because of their temporary feelings in the heat of the moment.
And before you know it,
well.. things are going downhill faster than the first time you fell for her. The person you once knew can seem like a totally different being. That’s where things get more drastic and you start to believe they really are a different person from whom you first met. We still must remember that certain situations will bring out a different side. And yes, I’m sorry Love, for being the maniac asshole you discovered after a few wretched fights. I’ve acted out of hand plenty of times, but I always tried to make things better. Whether it was going out of my way or telling you how much you’d mean to me even after I’d cuss you out. Because there are things that cannot be bottled up forever, but that didn’t mean you deserved any of that. But at the end of the day I know who I wanted to be with and love no matter what. I never lost sight of what you meant to me. Although I guess it was too late.. For any of that.
And before you know it,
The worse part is she’s beginning to feel okay without you.
Before you know it she’s starting to remember what it’s like to be single and not committed to anyone but herself or who she chooses.
Before you know it she’s starting to talk to other people and she likes the idea of freedom and not having to worry about anything involving you.
Before you know it she’s remembering all the little details of another like how she did with you. The day of their birthday, favorite color, what foods and activities they like etc. She’s going through that phase where she’s gonna latch on to what makes her happy at the moment and continue to water that flower until it’s no longer worth pouring her feelings into. She’s a walking bank, investing whatever she pleases and only opening that safe to who she feels comfortable with sharing. Just like how we first started talking and how we first met. I invested my all into that woman just like the stock. And now I’m crashing down and she’s back on the market. But I still see the potential in her because life is never a set, straight, or clear path. Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to look at the bigger picture. Even if you’re no longer in it.
She’ll have a totally new life without you and she’s going to continue to pick up the pieces without looking back.
And before you know it,
And you can’t do anything about it except stand by and just watch the person you love the most fall into the arms of another man. And it’s so fucking hard to even grasp that concept. To know that another guy has their hands on what was once our future. It’s not fair, and life never really is. And that’s why I tried fighting for who I loved and what I believed and promised. But I just ended up fighting myself, constantly at war for the actions and words that were exchanged. And nothing can take you back besides old memories, belongings, and the scent of her hair. And people tell you to move on, but sometimes you cannot shut off the feelings in which run inside you from every vein in your body..
And she was gone before I knew it.